Days 32-33 Get Fit Challege...hello Iowa

Friday:

Well I made it back to Iowa on around 5:30pm, did a bit of unpacking, and did an hour of walking on the treadmill at my parent's house to get my cardio in for my off day. Saturday is going to be a busy day as I am going dress shopping with my mom in hopes to find her a MOB dress for the wedding and we have to hit the Costco so I can stock up on food for the next couple of weeks, then we have to make sure we are back in time to hit up the gym to get some weightlifting in. 

Saturday:

This morning's cardio was spent by walking our dog Max around the 3 mile lake. It was nice going so early in the morning as the weather was a lot cooler. I definitely noticed the improvement in my fitness as we walked up and down the hills and I wasn't winded so that was a big win. 

Being out and about all day, I had to eat two of my meals at restaurants and let me tell you it is quite hard to find things that I could eat. I'm sure I annoyed the waitstaff with all of my exclusions and questions about how things were made but oh well I think I did pretty well considering. 

We didn't make it back into town before the gym closed at 8pm so I didn't have a chance to get my workout in and with all of the prep work I needed to do for food for the next couple of weeks by the time I was finished it was 11pm and I couldn't muster enough energy to walk on the treadmill...NOT GOOD as tomorrow is my weigh in and measurement day and I really needed that workout...oh well hopefully it won't affect things much. 

I'm not as nervous this weigh in as I was last weigh in which is good, I am however pretty excited to see my new measurements and how many inches I've lost. I am not looking forward to posting photos of myself though, but it needs to be documented so I can see how my body is physically changing. 

Day 31 Get Fit Challege...wrapping it up in KCMO

Today was my last day here in Missouri training with my brother and his fiance. Tomorrow I head back to Iowa to continue my training there. 

I've really enjoyed working out at their gym, Impact Fitness. It is a great locally owned and operated gym that has friendly and helpful staff, great weight and cardio areas, and a training area complete will all kinds of fun equipment from sledgehammers and tires to TRX equipment. Another great thing about this gym is that you don't feel intimidated walking in there to do your workout. It has this more relaxed vibe unlike some big chains where everyone is strutting around going look at me look at me instead of doing work. If I ever move back to this area for sure that will be the gym I sign up at. 

What I looked at every morning

My brother making sure I'm working hard during HIT 

Moving on to my workouts today. Seeing how is was my last workout with him my brother wanted me to do my HIT workout with him tonight so he could gage my progress, so I did my weight lifting this morning. It was back day, one of my favorite weight days as I can really push myself because it's one of my stronger body parts. 

Tonight's HIT workout kicked my ass, but I have made some fantastic improvements since I first started. My brother said that during my heavy rope work I made it look easy (truth is my legs were on FIRE the whole time). Tire flips were next 20 total in 47 seconds my best time yet. During my minute of thrusters I knocked out 26 where as before I was lucky to get to 20. Then we got to isolated shuffles, I hate these the most now that we've added the kettle bells and slowed it down, however I was able to keep my butt down during the 4 sets and really hold the squat. Sledge hammer swings I knocked out 30 swings in both 1 minute sets an improvement of 5 swings each set. The box step ups with crunches I did 25 all 4 sets and normally I get 20. Planks finish off the workout and today instead of doing 2 sets of 30 seconds I did 3 sets of 30 second and my last set I did till fail which ended up being at 54 seconds. 

I am really happy with where I am and all my improvements with this workout and I'm sad I won't be able to continue it exactly back in Iowa as the gym there doesn't have the tire, sledgehammer, and heavy ropes. Not to worry though this next week there will be modifications to it to make up for the lack of equipment. My brother will be coming up next weekend to revamp everything based on the equipment that I have access to, so I'm excited to see what new things he'll come up with. 

Tomorrow is an off day which works out great as the drive back to Iowa is about 4 hours so I shouldn't have a problem getting my cardio in. Here we go next leg of the challenge.

Day 30 Get Fit Challenge...one month down

They say you can form a new habit after 21 days...well it's been 30 so let's hope this one sticks. I haven't started hating the gym or finding excuses not to go so that has to be a good sign right? The food habit well that's another story. I think I need to start changing it up as the monotony of the food I'm eating has got me craving all the bad things from Mexican to ice cream and those kinds of things are on the no eat list until well at this point probably next year (major sad face).

With my month rapidly coming to an end here in Kansas City I'm looking forward to a change in venue and in workouts. While I do enjoy my HIT workout (well as much as I can) I'm curious to see what my brother will come up with for me to do in Iowa as the gym there does not have all the fun unconventional equipment like they do here. I am sure it will be something equally as awful as that tends to be his forte. Also it looks like I will have to juggle working out twice a day and eating every three hours with some odds and ends jobs for a family friend. It will be interesting to see how this lifestyle will work into having a job and how I will cope. 

In current workout news, today was bicep and tricep day for lifting and I saw improvement in my pull ups and my tricep dips. I got to 12 on my first pull up set followed by 3 more sets of 8. My first tricep dip set I knocked out 15, but then puttered out on the second only completing 7. However I did made up for it in my next two sets knocking out 10 each. Preacher curls and I are still not at bff level as I am still struggling to get to 15 reps during my 3rd and 4th sets and need to have assistance at about 8-10 reps. Cardio wise I'm noticing that my knees are starting to hurt during my 35 minutes. I think I might have to start taking a supplement for joints...damn it sucks getting older and being out of shape. 

Day 29 Get Fit Challenge...they should call chest day 'squeeze your tit-tays' day

It's a standard rule that Mondays are chest day, but when chest day falls on a holiday apparently people don't go to the gym (but not me I go now regardless) so the following day becomes chest day. Needless to say today was said day. 

Now there is nothing more annoying to a woman than having to complete chest day on the same day as the guys.

First off the weight room is packed to the max with everyone basically doing the same sets all at the same time, so there is a lot of waiting around and staring and posing in mirrors (and they say girls are bad pft go to a gym and you'll find that 9 times out of 10 it's the guys checking themselves out in the mirrors). 

Why do you need a selfie right now?!?

Second when you do finally secure yourself an area in the free weights try to do a superset of like 4 different exercises as it will speed things up granted you'll want to die about halfway through but you can get out of the tosterone injected area asap. 

Third just expect to be stared at. Yes I am a woman, yes I am doing a superset, yes I am lifting half of what you are when it comes to dumbbells, yes I'm working harder than you because unlike your 3 reps of 65 pounds I'm doing 15 reps for each of my 4 different exercises without taking 3 minute long stare at my muscles in the mirror breaks, no I am not staring at you in the mirror I'm trying to look around you to make sure my form is in check.

                                       

                                                     Seriously! Do some work no one is looking at you.

Third when doing chest exercises on the cable machines repeat after me,"squeeze your tit-tays together." One this ensures that you are actually using your chest to do the exercise and two as a woman this is easier to understand than flex your chest to engage your muscles because really what woman goes around flexing their chest?

Also since I am ranting about gym etiquette here is another thing that I just don't understand: bathing yourself in cologne before working out. I don't care how good it smells when you pour it on and then sweat nothing good comes from that. Ladies this includes you too. You may not sweat profusely, but your perfume bubble that is taking over the whole area makes me want to stab you. It's a gym if you work hard enough you should smell bad by the end of it, if not go home this is not a beauty contest. 

In other gym related news during my cardio tonight after weights my legs decided to go into beast mode and I had to up the workload to 30 on the elliptical; this is what immediately happened in my head:

 Well kids one more day till an official 30 days of the fitness challenge. Tomorrow HIT and cardio in the morning followed by biceps and triceps and cardio at night.

Day 28 Get Fit Challenge...Happy Memorial Day

With the holiday today the gym was only open until noon so we figured it would be pretty dead what with people taking advantage of having a Monday off or recuperating from Sunday funday. Clearly we were wrong. Everyone and their mother was at the gym today. I didn't even know that many people belonged to the gym it was complete madness and so crowded that was really hard to get anything done. I did manage to get through my whole HIT workout and only had to modify the tire flips. During my cardio workout on the elliptical I kept getting shooting pains that ran from my lower back down the back of my right leg and then from the front of my right leg to my knee. I am guessing this is from leg day yesterday as I was pretty sore last night after I finished it. 

The rest of my day was pretty uneventful. I prepped food for the week and enjoyed only having only one workout today. Happy Memorial Day to me indeed. 

Day 27 Get Fit Challenge...Weigh In Day

So it's Sunday which means it's weigh in day my least favorite day of the week. After last night's slight panic attack I tried to go into my weigh in this morning feeling positive that even if I didn't lose anything I have still made progress this week and I am fitter than when I started. 

If you don't remember last week I didn't lose anything and the weigh in before that I had gained 1.2 pounds taking me up to 261.2, so imagine my surprise when I stepped on the scale and saw 250.8. I figured it must have been off balance or something so I checked it and stepped on it again, same number popped up. Still in disbelief that I could drop 10 pounds in one week I checked it one more time, you know that whole third time's a charm business, and still there is was 250.8.  Holy Sh*t! was the only thing I could get out of my mouth. After 26 days, 52 workouts, and a week without carbs my metabolism has finally got the memo that I mean business...thank baby Jesus because there is no greater motivation than to see the numbers on a scale decrease. 

I think it's safe to say that my body just doesn't do well with carbs. This coming week I am following the same diet and workout plan and we'll see where I end up next Sunday. Eventually the plan is to re-introduce small amounts of carbs back into my diet. Until then it's still 6 meals a day 4 of which are 5 oz of chicken and 1.5 cups of veggies, a morning protein shake, and my last meal of 8 egg whites. 

This next week is also my last week here with my brother and his fiance. They have been such a huge support and motivators for me and I am a little nervous to go back to Iowa and continue on this journey as I've gotten use to them kicking my ass every day =) I also am due for my one month measurements next Sunday and progress picture as well and I am curious to see the results. 

And for tonight, well tonight is leg day and I fully plan to rock it.

Day 26 Get Fit Challenge...down side to no carbs

Week one of the no carb diet is over and I think I am suffering from some of the temporary side effects that go along with it. I have found that all this week my body has been very tired and run down. Like clockwork I would need two hour naps in the afternoon after my morning workouts as I would just be exhausted and needed some rest. All of this need for extended naps made me a little worried so I did a little research to see what might be going on with my body and I found this great article on bodybuilding.com that talks about 8 temporary side effects to low carb diets.

Side Effect 1 /// "Brain Fog"

The first major side effect that you'll likely experience—usually about 2-3 days into your low-carb "induction"—is a mental lethargy often called "brain fog." 

Side Effect 2 /// The "Induction Flu"

This goes hand-in-hand with brain fog—call it a "body fog." Since the typical Western diet is so carb-dependent, starting low carb can make your body feel like the rug has been pulled out from underneath it.

Side Effect 3 /// Increased Irritability

Feel like you have a short fuse on your low-carb diet? You're not alone. Low-carb diets can make certain people irritable, especially when they first start. 

Side Effect 4 /// Weird Smells And Tastes

Ketones are a by-product of your body using fat as fuel. This means that as you progress further into your low-carb diet, there will be an inevitable build-up of ketones—called ketosis—which can cause some unique side-effects.

Side Effect 5 /// Decreased Strength And Endurance

All the meat and protein in your new diet is going to transform you instantly into a warrior in the gym—right?Unfortunately, in the short term, many people experience the opposite. Some have no problem adapting and will respond favorably right away, while others find themselves unable to toss up numbers that used to be a cinch. They may also feel a pervasive fatigue working its way into their cardio and athletic activities.

Side Effect 6 /// Constipation

Meat itself doesn't cause constipation, but constipation can be an issue if you don't have enough roughage, no matter what your nutritional system. As a result, it's a must that you get your veggies as often as possible.

Side Effect 7 /// Dehydration

You might jump for joy the first time you step on a scale after going low-carb, but don't be fooled. That weight you lost wasn't burned off—it was peed out. Ketosis has a well-documented diuretic effect that can be pretty intense for some people. Dehydration can also make the other side-effects here more pronounced.

Side Effect 8 /// Feelings Of Depression

This is a contentious point in the low-carb community, but there are some researchers who maintain that reducing your carb intake can impact your brain's serotonin levels, putting you at risk for depression and mood imbalance. 

I am pretty sure I am dealing with side effects 2 and 5 which would explain why I've been so run down. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks things will even out and I will feel better and have more energy.

In other news on the eve of my next weigh in I find that those horrible voices have crept back into my head filling it with all kinds of negative thoughts.

I keep hearing things like this over and over:

You're disgusting and not worthy of anything good

You're lazy and undisciplined

None of this will make a difference you're still fat and will always be fat

This should be so easy and you have messed it up

I don't even know why are you trying you're a failure

What is wrong with you? 

You're doing everything wrong?

Obviously I am still struggling with my self-esteem and self worth. I've been trying to tell myself that I am happy with who I am but every time I go to think of good things about myself I hate everything. So tomorrow when I step on the scale I need to remember this:

Day 25 Get Fit Challenge...I don't want to work out

Today I think I hit my limit. Woke up feeling super tired and it took everything I had to get myself to the gym this morning, but I went and got my workout in.

It super sucked and I thought I was going to die, but I didn't and hopefully me not skipping today will reflect well on the scale Sunday. I did however come home and had to take an hour nap because there was no energy left in me. Me being tired all of the time all of a sudden is kind of worrying me as working out and eating right is supposed to give you more energy where my workouts seem to drain the life out of me, especially this week.

Tonight's weight training was for back and I have to say I'm pretty impressed with how strong my back muscles are after my legs I it's the strongest body part I have. Cardio tonight was challenging mostly because I didn't want to do it because I was tired and my legs were not up to it.

I did end up doing 20 minutes on the stair stepper and 15 minutes on the elliptical. Sadly the stair stepper was easier...damnit. The good news is that tomorrow is an off day so all I have to do are my two sessions of 35 minutes of cardio. Hopefully the weather is nice cause the plan is to go hiking around Weston Bend State Park which will be a nice change from the gym and cardio machines.

Day 24 Get Fit Challenge...I cannot wait for an off day

Working out is catching up with me this week and I woke up feeling sore and tired which made for a rough morning workout. Cardio is now my new nemesis which is too bad because that was the one part of my workout that I didn't mind. However, ever since my brother amped up the resistance my opinion has changed. I struggle through every second of both 35 minute sessions of cardio, and the one at night always seems to be more difficult to get through than my morning one.

My new HIT workout has been going ok. Today I could see improvement in my sledge hammer squats so that was a win. Even though I haven't lost any weight I have been improving my fitness level and I am really happy about that. I find that after my HIT workout I feel like I've accomplished something and that makes me feel really good even though I am a sweaty hot mess.

Tonight's weight lifting was biceps and triceps. Preacher curls kicked my ass as usual, but I was able to crank more out in pull ups and dips so that was a win. I'd like to get to the point with those where I can knock out 12-15 reps instead of 7-10. It would also be really awesome if I could graduate from assisted pull ups, but at this point I think I might be getting ahead of myself. 

Tomorrow is the last day of my 4 days on and it's ending with a back workout. Needless to say I am excited for an off day I'm feeling very run down and kind of over working out. Not sure if it's just my body telling me to rest or if the no carb thing is catching up to me. We'll see but for now my two hour afternoon naps will have to suffice, and honestly who doesn't like a nice nap in the afternoon.

Day 23 Get Fit Challenge...thank goodness for naps

Just a note to self here: do not by any means think it's a good idea to follow up a leg day with 35 minutes of strenuous cardio and then do a HIT workout you will die..that is all.

I had to do my cardio before HIT today because I forgot to look at the class schedule for the gym and ended up getting there 15 minutes into a group class. Because they block the whole back section for group classes there was no way I was going to get anything in, so I just thought well I just do cardio now and by the time I'm done the class will be too no big deal. Wrong it was definitely a big deal to my legs and I suffered through my HIT workout feeling every single muscle in my legs as most of the exercises for HIT are either doing a squat or holding a squat position....Ouchtown, population: me.  

Also, during my HIT workout today there was a man who started copying some of the exercises from it which is fine it's a hell of a workout and if you want to get in on it be my guest. What I don't want you to do though is interrupt me during my cycles because you have all of these questions about what I am doing, how long I do things, and how many reps/sets I do therefore delaying me and making me have too long of a recovery time in between exercises(not that my body wasn't thanking me for that though). Then he started being all chatty explaining how he hasn't workout out alone in a long time because he is more of a group class oriented person and all I could think in my head is, yeah I don't want to be your workout buddy I have a couple of really good ones already please stop talking so I can finish and get out of here. Thankfully he started working out again and I got to finish my last cycle and leave before he finished his next set. I hope that doesn't make me sound like an awful person, but you know when you're in the workout zone and you can see the finish the last thing you want is to be interrupted. Besides it's like workout code 101 not to interrupt someone during a set come on man.

Tonight's weight workout was chest and shoulders and that has yet to get any easier. The first superset we do just kills me and I feel like everything just wants to explode about halfway through. If I am weak at anything it's chest and shoulders hopefully in another month I'll be able to rock it out and see some progress. 

Food wise the elimination of carbs is still going well I don't feel too zonked. I did take an awesome nap today after my workout though which may or maynot have to do with not eating carbs either way I was pretty excited about naptime. 

I have started taking vitamin C twice a day and have added a second multivitamin at night. I need to get some B-complex and an additional Calcium pill as osteoporosis runs in my family and I'm at that age now where I need to be mindful of that kind of thing. Other than that I find that I get quite hungry now after my workouts so that is good, but I still don't get hungry from meal to meal which isn't a big worry because I think the fact that I am getting hungry at all is a good sign my metabolism might finally be starting to kick into gear. 

Day 22 Get Fit Challenge...I am a cooking machine

All this week my brother is in North Carolina so his fiance and I are on our own for workouts. He left us lifting schedules and I ran through my new HIT workout with him last night so I think we are going to be just fine...in lots of pain, but fine.

My new HIT workout is a bit more intense than last week's (and here I thought it couldn't get any worse). 

2 sets of wall sits at 30 seconds each

alternating heavy rope work for 45 seconds

20 tire flips (timed for speed)

thrusters with small barbell for 1 min

whip heavy rope work for 45 seconds

concentration shuffle with 30lb kettlebell (down and back 4 times)

alternating sledge hammer squats 2 sets 1 minute each

side to side heavy rope work for 45 seconds

box step crunch 4 sets of 1 minute each-1st set straight, 2nd set left side, 3rd set right side, 4th set straight

2 sets full plank for 30 seconds each

Cardio is still at 35 minutes but my intensity has been increased so that when I am on the elliptical machine it feels like I am trudging through quicksand.

There is something about starting off the workout with wall sits that makes the rest of it so difficult probably because the majority of the stances for the exercises are in a squat.

In food news now that I am off carbs and increased my vegetable intake I decided to switch it up and make something with more flavor that was a bit more filling to eat on this week in addition to the tomato/cucumber/onion salad and green beans...ratatouille. I was pretty nervous in making this since usually the base involves olive oil but I was happily surprised when it still turned out delicious without it. I opted for the easy one pot version because really who has the time to finely slice zucchini, yellow squash, eggplant, red bell peppers, mushrooms, onion, and tomatoes by hand and alternate the slices in a baking dish...definitely not me. Instead I cubed everything into bite-sized pieces and cooked it all in a large pot on the stove. The great thing about this is that because of the juices from the tomatoes is made this great reduction that I can pour over my chicken breast to help it not be so dry when it's reheated. Keeping that one in the recipe rotation. Nom Nom!

Day 21 Get Fit Challenge...my body is broken

After the whole re-evaluation last night I did a little research on body types today and found out some interesting yet depressing information. Back in the 1940s an American psychologist named William Herbert Sheldon developed constitutional psychology where the human physique is classified according to the relative contribution of three fundamental elements or somatotypes. Sheldon then categorised all possible body types according to a scale that ranged from 1-7 for each of the three somatotypes. 

Sheldon's "somatotypes" and their supposed associated physical traits can be characterized as follows:

Ectomorphic: characterized by long and thin muscles/limbs and low fat storage; usually referred to as slim. Ectomorphs are predisposed to neither store fat nor build muscle.

Mesomorphic: characterized by medium bones, solid torso, low fat levels and a narrow waist; usually referred to as muscular. Mesomorphs are predisposed to build muscle but not store fat.

Endomorphic: characterized by increased fat storage, a wide waist and shoulders and a large bone structure, usually referred to as fat, or chunky. Endomorphs are predisposed to store fat.

One guess on which body type I am...that's right Endomorphic because nothing is easy in the world of Alushia.

So after finding out this wonderful news I popped over to Bodybuilding.com where I found the linked article on Endomorphs and how we should train and eat. This is a little summary. When it comes to working out endomorphs need workouts to have compound, high-intensity exercises to control our excess fat. It should be a regimen that combines cardio and weight-lifting as this will keep the metabolism high and burn more calories that if you were to do just one or the other. Exercises should concentrate on intense workouts using techniques like drop sets and supersets. The set range for weight lifting should be between 3-5 with reps between 12-20 depending on your intensity level and ability to recover. Training to fail works well so pick a weight that allows you to fail at 8-12 reps. Cardio also HAS to be involved at the end of the workout as our bodies tend to store fat. After training your muscles are depleted of their energy source of glycogen and they will start consuming adipose body tissue for energy. Interval training of high and low intensity works best. As for diet think high protein low carb as carbs and endomorphs are not BFFs. Also opt for 6 meals a day rather than 3 to keep the metabolism up. It is also recommended that we endomorphs get lots of additional exercise outside of the gym so find ways to keep moving throughout the day if possible.

So there you have it the black cloud that is hanging over my weight loss goals. Good thing is now that I know what is going on hopefully we can correct it and get me back on track.

Days 18-20 Get Fit Challenge...being social on a diet is awkward

This weekend was my brother's finace's graduation from pharmacy school (she rocks btw so proud of her) and it gave me a real eye opener about how difficult it is to have a life and do this diet. 

Sure eating 6 meals a day is easy when you're not working or obligated to go anywhere no matter how tedious it may seem. Then add in anything remotely social and the dial gets turned from tedious to OH MY GOD I HATE MY LIFE. Everything has to be planned ahead like meals, what to carry the meals around in, access to a microwave (or just deal with eating things cold as heating it up doesn't really make the food any better), and then getting up extra early or staying up extra late to get your workouts in. It's like having a baby around to take care of only it doesn't do anything cute or adorable to redeem itself.

Mostly everything just went to shit and I missed 2 meals on Saturday and 5 meals on Sunday. Yep 5 meals I ate once today and it was at 10pm...well technically I ate twice but the solitary chicken breast I had around 4pm hardly counts especially when I was drooling over everyone else's hamburgers, brats, potato and macaroni salads, chips, cookies, and pop. In short I suck at doing this diet and having any kind of social life. Good thing I don't know anyone in Iowa and will never have any plans so I can focus on all this crap. 

In addition to all of this today was a weigh in day and guess who didn't lose anything? Me. I didn't gain anything either so at least there is that. Honestly, I'm not surprised I've always had to work ten times harder than anyone else to lose any amount of weight be it from a pound to twenty pounds so why would this be any different. 

In an effort to make something happen my brother is going to rework my program for the next two weeks. So starting tomorrow I am on a no carb diet (basically I'm still eating 6 times a day but instead of having carbs with every meal I am having an extra half cup of veggies), we are focusing more on form and adding more time to each complex in my HIT workouts, and the intensity of my cardio workouts is increasing as well. Also in addition to my two cardio workouts a day I have to be more active when I am not at the gym since I am currently unemployed. This will more than likely involve me walking the dog for 30+ minutes twice a day (I'm thinking once in between my 2nd and 3rd meals and again between my 3rd and 4th meals). 

So to answer the question of the day, how do I feel? Like shit. Complete and utter failure shit. I just want to curl into a ball and cry. 

Day 17 Get Fit Challenge...hitting a motivational wall

Today was an off day so all I had to do were my two bouts of 35 minute cardio. I went ahead and did my morning session at the gym and then for my evening session I took the dog for a 3 mile walk around my brother's hilly neighborhood and I thought a lot. 

I am almost three weeks into this program and aside from being frustrated at my lack of progress (weight-wise) I'm bored and getting unmotivated. Also I really want people to stop asking me how I feel. I don't feel any different (well minus the constant soreness). No, I don't have more energy. No, my skin is not clearing up. No, my clothes aren't fitting any better. No, I haven't lost any weight. No, I don't feel better about myself. 

You really want to know how I feel? I feel the judging stares at me in the gym when I huff and puff and sweat my ass off even though I work harder than them. I feel self conscious all the time. I feel fat and ugly and worthless and an embarrassment to those around me.  I feel like I just want to shut the world out and curl up in a corner. I feel like a loser that has no job and no prospects for a job. I feel tired all the time. I feel like I am a huge disappointment to everyone I know. I feel alone and scared.  I feel like none of this is worth anything. And if I'm being honest it's not going to be if I can't get my head in the right place. 

Skinny isn't going to fix my problems. Skinny isn't going to find me a job. Skinny is probably not going to make me happy. I will always see some imperfection, some flaw, something that deams me less than. I'm not going to blame it on social media or being bullied in school or being on and off diets since I was 10 years old. Instead I'm going to do the adult thing and blame it on me. I am my own problem, and then in turn I should be my own solution. I just have to figure out how to deal with my issues and get over myself so that I can have a chance to be happy and actually live. I know it's not going to happen overnight, but hopefully with time I will eventually get to that place where I accept who I am flaws and all.

Day 16 Get Fit Challenge...I feel like I live at the gym

I have to say though it is nice to be able not to work at the moment and focus on getting healthy and my upcoming wedding the downside is that working out has become my life and frankly I'm a little bored of the monotony of it already. 

Wake up, eat, wait an hour, go to the gym, come home, eat, nap, eat, cook, eat, go to the gym again, come home, eat, shower, sleep, repeat. 

It's like Groundhog Day but without the fun option of doing whatever you want knowing that tomorrow everything starts over. 

I should probably get a hobby to fill the time between eating, cooking, and working out. I know you are probably thinking, 'Oh but don't you have so much to do for the wedding?' Actually, no I don't. I'm only doing a handful of DIY things and most of them can't be worked on until closer to September and everything else is taken care of...what can I say I'm efficient (ok ok borderline OCD). 

I feel guilty for not bettering myself by taking a class or something while I am not working but there are not really classes you can take online to learn things like Photoshop, REVIT, Sketch-Up, and InDesign (the things that I need to learn to get back into my field) trust me I've looked several times. Also I live in the middle of nowhere Iowa aside from enrolling in a state university for a completely different degree (which who has the money for that I'm still paying my current student loan debt) there are not a whole lot of options for taking and educational class or two.

I also tried job hunting but at this point it's stupid because who is going to hire someone that will need a week off for their wedding in September followed by another two weeks off in January so they can have a reception in New Zealand...no one. 

I'm in this weird tweener state of adulthood which is funny because at 30 you'd think I'd be full blown adult with a 10 year life plan, a steady job, a mortgage, and a baby on the way. But life is funny and doesn't do the things you want to do EVER so I have none of those things that everyone seems to fall into so easily. 

So right now I get up, eat, workout, eat, nap, eat, cook, eat, workout, eat, sleep. With some reading and time spent on the computer thrown in to keep the brain active. Hopefully everything else will fall into place eventually.

So Did the Fat Lady

Had to share this article written by Madeleine Davies for Jezebel as I think most 'fat girls' relate to this.

Louis C.K.'s sitcom Louie has a reputation of mixing humor with equal parts poignancy and last night's episode "So Did the Fat Lady" was no exception.

In the episode, Louis meets Vanessa (played by Sarah Baker) — a funny, vivacious, pretty and open-hearted woman — at the Comedy Cellar where she is working as a waitress and he, as usual, is performing standup. After his set, she asks him out on a date, but — despite all her appealing attributes — he declines. The next time they bump into her, she once again charms, asks him out again and he says no. The chemistry is there, but Vanessa is fatter than women he's gone out with in the past and the idea of dating her makes him uncomfortable.

On their third encounter, Louis ends up asking Vanessa out for a casual coffee, leading to one of those perfect not-dates where they wander around the city, getting to know each other and laughing at each other's jokes. When Louis starts complaining about how hard it is to date in the city, Vanessa counters that his challenges are nothing compared to hers. "Try dating in New York in your late 30s as a fat girl," she says.

Louis' immediate reaction is to tell her that she's not fat, but Vanessa, who knows she's fat and is okay with it, isn't having it and proceeds to deliver one of the best dressing downs ever seen on television.

Vanessa: Ugh, dammit. That is so goddamn disappointing, Louie.

Louie, you know what the meanest thing is you can say to a fat girl? "You're not fat." I mean, come on, buddy. It just sucks. It really really sucks. You have no idea. And the worst part is, I'm not even supposed to do this. Tell anyone how bad it sucks, because it's too much for people. I mean, you, you can talk into the microphone and say you can't get a date, you're overweight. It's adorable. But if I say it, they call the suicide hotline on me.

I mean, can I just say it? I'm fat. It sucks to be a fat girl. Can people just let me say it? It sucks. It really sucks. And I'm going to go ahead and say it. It's your fault.

Look, I really like you, you're truly a good guy, I think. I'm so sorry. I'm picking you. On behalf of all the fat girls, I'm making you represent all the guys. Why do you hate us so much? What is is about the basics of human happiness, feeling attractive, feeling loved, having guys chase after us, that's just not in the cards for us? Nope. Not for us.

How is that fair? And why am I supposed to just accept it?

Louie: You know, Vanessa, you're a very, really beautiful—

Vanessa: If I was a very, really beautiful, then you would have said yes when I asked you out. I mean, come on, Louie, be honest here. You know what's funny? I flirt with guys all the time. And I mean the great looking ones, the really high-caliber studs? They flirt right back, no problem. Because they know their status will never be questioned. But guys like you never flirt with me, because you get scared that maybe you should be with a girl like me.

And why not? You know, if you were standing over there looking at us, you know what you'd see? That we totally match. We're actually a great couple together. And yet, you would never date a girl like me. Have you ever dated a girl that was heavier than you? Have you?

Louie: Yes I have, yes I have.

Vanessa: No no no, I didn't say have you ever fucked a fat girl, Louie. I'm sure you have. Every guy has. I mean, when I met you, if I had said, "Hey, do you want to go to the bathroom and screw on a big can of peaches?" you would have gone for it. No, I'm saying, have you ever dated a fat girl. Have you ever kissed a fat girl? Have you ever wooed a fat girl? Have you ever held hands with a fat girl? Have you ever walked down the street in the light of day, holding hands, with a big girl like me?

Go ahead. Hold my hand. What do you think is going to happen? You think your dick is going to fall off if you hold hands with a fat girl? You know what the sad thing is? It's all I want. I mean, I can get laid. Any woman who is willing can get laid. I don't want that. I don't even need a boyfriend or a husband. All I want is to hold hands with a nice guy, and walk and talk —

If you haven't seen the episode, I highly recommend that you at least watch the clip (posted below) to understand Vanessa's intonation and the drive behind her speech. While it might read like another "sad fat woman puts on a happy face to hide the pain" trope, Vanessa — in her delivery — is completely lacking in self pity. She doesn't hate being the fat girl, but she hates what it means to other people and she hates that society has dubbed her as not being good enough to even be the girlfriend of a schlubby divorced dad in his forties.

Day 15 Get Fit Challenge...oh leg day you hurt so good

So today was supposed to be biceps and triceps but my brother switched it up and had me and his fiance do legs AND abs today for our morning weight lifting session. In a word it sucked. It also made for a really long workout when we added in the 35 minutes of cardio afterwards. 

The good news today was the progress I made on my squats and incline leg presses. I think I am finally getting my form down correctly for squats and was able to throw some weights on the bar. Went into beast mode for the leg presses and by my 4th set I was able to complete 15 reps of 409 pounds. Walking lunges still stucked like always and for some reason are not getting any easier, but today they were especially difficult because my left knee was bothering me from last night's workout. End the session with ab supersets and I was one tired lady that was not looking forward to cardio. While I was on the elliptical I noticed that I ended up sweating completely through my t-shirt as I went to wipe my face and there wasn't a dry spot to be found...note to self start bringing a towel to morning weight lifting sessions. 

Needless to say when we got back and I had had my meal and shower I was done and definitely ready for a nap if I was ever going to be able to get through tonight's HIT workout. So I popped a couple of Aleve threw the heating pad on my lower back and took about an hour nap. When I woke up it was time to eat again and after I spent the rest of the afternoon icing my knee. 

Tonight's HIT training....well let's put it this way it's never smart to do leg day before a HIT workout. I barely got through my first cycle when my quads started burning and they didn't stop until about halfway through my cardio. 

So there ya have it another day down and one more day till glorious off day which I think I'll need as I have a feeling my leg soreness is going to kick in full force Thursday.

Day 15 Get Fit Challenge...taking it up a notch or ten

Moving into phase two my brother has decided to rework my HIT workout to continue to challenge me. 

None of the exercises have changed just the weights and distances of them.

This is what my HIT workout was before:

1 set 30 seconds of alternate heavy rope training 

1 set 1 minute each of thrusters with 10lb bar

4 sets of tire flips timed for speed (5 flips)

1 set 30 seconds of straight heavy rope training

4 sets of shuffle sprints with 20lb medicine ball throw downs (end of wall to middle of wall)

4 sets 30 seconds each of overhead medicine ball throws with an 8lb ball

1 set 15 seconds of sweep heavy rope training

4 sets 45 seconds each of box step-ups with alternate knee crunches (lowest height)

3 sets 30 seconds of planks 

This is what it is now:

1 set 30 seconds of alternate heavy rope training (full length of rope)

1 set 1 minute of thrusters with 20lb bar

2 sets of tire flips timed for speed (10 flips)

1 set 30 seconds of straight heavy rope training (full length of rope)

4 sets of shuffle sprints with 20lb medicine ball throw downs (entire length of wall)

4 sets 30 seconds each of overhead medicine ball throws with an 8lb ball

1 set 15 seconds of sweep heavy rope training (full length of rope)

4 sets 45 seconds each of box step-ups with alternate knee crunches (maximum height)

3 sets 30 seconds of planks 

Rest time between sets has decreased from 30 seconds to 15 seconds
Rest time between cycles is about a minute

I did my first run through of the new HIT workout on Sunday and thought I was going to die. My brother timed my tire flips and it took me 2 minutes to do 20 flips where before I was doing 10 flips in 56 seconds, so that was a bummer. My shuffle sprints were at 22 seconds going to the halfway point and at the full wall they are at 44 seconds. I really struggled with the box step ups into the third set and I had to dig deep halfway through the rope work. Something really cool happened after my workout when I was getting on the elliptical trainer. Another member came up to me and said that he thought I did a really great job on my workout and that it looked really tough and he doubted he could get through it. That really made my day, so to whoever you are thanks for the props it meant a lot to me.

This morning we switched things up a bit since my brother's fiance had to work late so she and I did our chest workout and 35 minutes of cardio together so she could get it in and tonight my brother and I ran through the new HIT workout and another 35 minutes of cardio. 
HIT went much better tonight I smashed the tire flips with a time of 56 seconds and I shaved 3 seconds off of my shuffle sprints. Rope work was still challenging but at the 20 second mark instead of 15. Box step ups went better as well as I didn't putter out half way through. My left knee did start hurting me tonight after the first cycle, my brother said it's normal because of all of the squatting and I'll go on a vitamin to help with my joint health to help that out. My second bout of cardio tonight was a bit challenging to get through but I think it was mainly because my knee was bothering me. 

Tomorrow weight training is in the morning again with biceps and triceps and 35 minutes of cardio with HIT and another 35 minutes of cardio tomorrow night. 

Day 14 Get Fit Challenge (pt 2) Phase Two Meal Plan

It's been two weeks so that means the diet gets to drop 200 calories a day and I get a new daily meal plan to follow for the next two weeks.

This is what 3,000 calories a day will consist of:

Meal #1 

9 egg whites

3 servings of cream of rice

3 rice cakes

*I will still be doing a protein shake instead of the egg whites

Meal #2

5 oz chicken

1/2 cup of rice

6 oz sweet potato

1 cup veggies

Meal #3

5 oz chicken

1.5 cups rice

1 cup veggies

Meal #4

5 oz chicken

1/2 cup of rice

6 oz sweet potato

1 cup veggies

Meal #5 

5 oz chicken

1 cup veggies

8 oz sweet potato

Meal #6

9 egg whites

3 servings cream of rice

3 rice cakes

1 gallon of water

So compared to the last 2 weeks these next 2 weeks involve eating more potatoes and less rice (thank goodness I am riced out). Other than that the only difference is the decrease in the number of egg whites a day. 

I'm still in search of some different recipes for things but so far it's been hard to find ones that mean all the criteria for what I'm doing. We'll see how it goes, hopefully my metabolism will kick into gear pretty soon and it won't matter that I am eating the same thing over and over because I'll actually be hungry when it's time to eat.